Show 2, at the Fillmore in San Fran

disclaimer: i am bored of proof reading so please excuse any errors :D

I awoke the next morning in San Fran. I peered out the windows of the bus with a feeling of excitement and rejuvenation. What a strange process to sleep in a moving home and wake up in a new place. It reminds me the movie Alien, where the crew would sleep in suspended animation while traveling long distances in space. It enjoyed some good breakfast at a local spot with fellow tour mates Tim Exile and Chris Vatalaro. The day passed and before i knew it we were setting up onstage at the Fillmore. What a beautiful venue. Wonderful Zoe the Cellist came to accompany us onstage for some of Immi's set. I felt as if tonight would be cake compared to the uphill strides of last nights show. I was perhaps a little over confident. When doors opened fans started pouring in. The vibe was good. Imogen again with such grace and kindness introduced me on stage. I played. The first song felt good. I was more relaxed than the night before. I continued. After 2 songs i figured i would try "dream girl". Its a slow ballad that i do like a lot but i had never played it before live. It started rough. My looper was acting funny and I think i started one of the loops off-beat. I played. I felt the crowd yawn. It was a very strange feeling. Its like the audience was one being and they were getting bored in the conversation. Against all training I abruptly stopped the song before the bore went on. I immediately switched to "The War is Over". Thankfully this gained them back. What a relief. I had some good hi-5's with the kids up front and some dancers in the crowd so this was wonderful. I was done. Immi' immediately introduced Tim Exile who i think is one of the most talented musicians/performers around today. He started the set with looping himself eating chips. It was amazing. He continued with some drippy electro beats and then he gave the audience the microphone so he could sample them. Amazing. One audience member wasn't into this style of performance and spoke into the mic "this isn't music" just in time for him to sample and loop it. Also amazing. He finished to a roaring house. Such a great set. It was time for Imogen. She entered the stage again with such grace and confidence. The first 2 songs sounded great. It was our turn again to join her. It was so strange, it was like i wasn't there.. like i was on auto pilot. It felt like everything was happening around me and i was just the obserer. In between songs my head sent me to a near panic. "how can i be doing this and be so disconnected" i would think..along with other disabling thoughts. Luckily thoughts are just thoughts, they are not me, so I can operate regardless. The show happened like a distant blur. Imogen was amazing as always. Before i knew it , it all came to an end again. Just like the next 12 will. After the show i learned that the Fillmore crew had lost one of there bar-backs the previous night. He died by his own hand, this sent a shock-wave through me putting everything into perspective. I was not unfamiliar with this urge when i was younger. To be so uncomfortable and lost that the option of death seams better that another day of life, and to know that i once felt this way and now i was on the most amazing tour of my life. My heart broke for the poor soul who did not hang on one more day. My thoughts and regards go out to his family friends and co-workers. If nothing else comes of all of this i would at least wish to communicate to those feeling a deep longing for relief from the struggles of life that it is worth hanging on.
thank you everything for everything.